Life

What's your advice on self love and loving yourself? My confidence has been hit recently and slowly trying to get it back. I'm even trying to minimise social media use.

I'm so sad to read that your confidence has been hit. Here are a few tips on what I do when I'm feeling low:

  • Prioritise yourself. If you don't see yourself as a priority, it's easy for your confidence to feel knocked. Take some time out to focus on you and just you. Even if it means going MIA for a day, taking a vacation, booking a spa break or even locking yourself in your room and doing something you enjoy. 
  • Also, invest in yourself. Think about what you want to achieve in life and start taking actual steps to get there. It's easier said than done but I assure you that once you take the first few steps, things become easier. Maybe start a new hobby you've always wanted to try, go on a course or even start reading a book on a topic which is of interest to you. 
  • Stop comparing yourself to others. Just focus on you and your life alone. Comparison will only heighten unnecessary dissatisfaction. 
  • Try not to seek validation from others. Living a life based on validation means when people aren't feeding our ego, we feel purposeless. If you learn how to validate yourself, even when you're not being hyped up by others, you'll always feel like your life has a purpose. Also, don't dwell on critique. Critique is an inevitable part of life. People will never be 100% nice all of the time. Just remember that people's opinions don't shape you. You shape you. 
  • Explore your spirituality. This doesn't necessarily mean be religious. I just mean try and remove yourself from the 'physical' once in a while. If you don't believe in prayer, meditation is also good. There's an app called Headspace that is aimed at helping people de-stress and reduce anxiety/worries. I really recommend it if you've never meditated before.

As a guy, I try to be a feminist in all my actions. But when hateful rhetoric comes up I find myself wondering... I actually believe women are naturally superior, but still, saying men are trash hurts. How do we balance this?

I can totally see why the "men are trash" narrative is hurtful. Especially to men who aren't 'trash'. I think the important thing to remember is that not all women think like this and some women who do share this sentiment online, are joking around and don't truly believe it applies to all men.  My recommendation would be to continue as you are. Through being a man who demonstrates feminism in his actions, you're already disproving this narrative.  Also, don't worry about speaking up and calling women out when they generalise. It's all good being a woman fighting for female rights but it's illogical to negatively generalise an entire gender if that's the very thing you're fighting against.


Love

I just recently got out of a relationship and it’s been hard not to think about them all the time. I really want to move on but it’s hard at the moment. Do you have a timetable on how long it takes to get over someone?

Sorry to read that you've been struggling with your break-up. Everyone handles them differently, which is why there's no real timetable when it comes to moving on. The important thing to know is that it's perfectly normal to think about an ex if you've recently split up with them. In fact, it would be weird if you didn't think about them at all; especially considering that this is still quite fresh. With time, you'll begin to think about them less. It may take weeks or even months, but it will eventually happen. To facilitate that process, try and reduce contact and avoid checking up on their social media. Also, don't be too idle during this time. Take up a new hobby to keep your mind occupied. Although break-ups are sad, they often give people the opportunity to focus more energy on themselves. Use this time as a period of self-development. It's hard to miss loving someone else when you're so focused on loving yourself!

In a woman's opinion how long do you think a man should wait until he proposes to his woman? Or what's the longest you think a woman should at least wait?

There's no set time. It really depends on the dynamic of the relationship. For example, I expect a couple that meet at 17 to court for much longer than a couple who meet at 27. I also expect a couple who are long distance to court for much longer than a couple who live together in the same city. All in all, I think a man should propose when he feels sure that his partner is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and he is mentally prepared to begin that journey. As for women waiting, again, I can't give a set time. I think a lot of women know in their heart when they're waiting in vain/being strung along. I think once that feeling emerges, that's when a woman should move on.

I don’t know why I’m afraid to let go of my relationship, he gets mad at everything I say and shuts me out and it makes me anxious.

Your relationship doesn't sound particularly healthy. Relationships should be a safe haven...and anyone who is causing you to feel anxious or emotionally manipulating you, isn't worth the trouble. You need to identify why you're having trouble letting him go, especially as you know his behaviour isn't great. Is it fear of being alone? Do you feel he manipulates you in to staying? Understanding that is the first step to leaving the relationship. I wish you all the best and remember, you and your mental and physical health should always come first!


Career

I’m 25 years old (26 soon) and i’m still unclear about what I want to do career wise (in the long term), currently I work in higher education but I don’t see myself there for long. What advice would you give for trying to figuring out the right career path?

Don't put pressure on yourself first and foremost. There are so many successful people who didn't actually figure out their ideal career path until their 30s/40s. I'd say, take some time out to consider your strengths and what you enjoy. There are lots of tests online that could also help you determine which kind of jobs suit your character. It may mean doing something to get by while you figure things, but whatever happens, don't feel disheartened.

I’m currently in my final year of university and I’m struggling a lot to keep up with anything. I feel extremely demotivated in everything and having fears of failing. Do you have any advice to get back on track ?

Think about how far you've come. The fact you made it through to your final year is a testament to your perseverance. Be proud of yourself for getting this far and understand that if you've made it this far, you're more than capable of seeing it through to the end.
Also, don't fear failing because the truth is that getting great grades in University is not the be all and end all. I know people who didn't do as well as they wanted or who didn't go to University at all and they lead happy and very successful lives. Also, some organisations don't even care what mark you achieved, as long as you have a degree. Just try your best without applying so much pressure to yourself. I think once you get rid of the pressure, you'll feel more motivated to finish. 
Also, one more thing that may help you feel motivated is adapting to a routine. Wake up at a set time, eat at a set time and study at a set time. Eventually you'll get so used to the routine that studying will just feel like a natural part of your day. 
I hope that helps!